


A Strange Way of Saying

by royalpan_writes, zombomode



Category: Half-Life, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Domestic, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, also i'm basing him heavily off of real ass wayneradiotv josh so there's a LOT of cowboys, also!!!! u can't rly tell but i'm making josh autistic and there's nothing you can do abt it, eventual dadrey, joshie is ADORABLE i would die for him i want to adopt him, my fucking god! these bitches gay! good for them! good for them, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/royalpan_writes/pseuds/royalpan_writes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombomode/pseuds/zombomode
Summary: Gordon hadfinallystarted getting used to life after Black Mesa. Everything was going just fine, for a while. That was, until he was woken up in the middle of the night by something--or someone--in his kitchen.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 69
Kudos: 283
Collections: HLVRAI





	1. Calm Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone, i hope y'all enjoy my story !! i've been working on the first chapter for like.... over a week now and i'm so excited to finally show everyone !! i was inspired to write this because lately i've been _destroyed_ over other fics and i wanted to see smthn a bit nicer
> 
> also yes the title comes from ginasfs by fall out boy cause i've been listening to their music basically nonstop every day since i started writing all this (also it works _perfectly_ for some shit i have planned but shhhhh that's a secret)
> 
> edit: an entire little chunk got cut off when i copypasted????? i'm so sorry i fixed it tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: i fixed the formatting errors w/ the extra spaces in between paragraphs haskjfhksf

It was dark outside when Gordon awoke with a start, sweat dripping from his brow despite the cold temperature of the air-conditioned room around him. His brown, curly hair was stuck to his forehead, drenched in sweat. He was glad he remembered to undo his ponytail this time, he didn’t want to end up with another ruined hair tie. He sat up in bed, glancing at the bright red numbers of his alarm clock’s LCD display. 3:12 AM.

“Ugh… not again.” Gordon muttered under his breath. “Second night in a row…” He wiped the sweat from his forehead and turned back over to go to sleep. He was just beginning to drift away once more when he heard a loud crashing sound. Jolting up again, he wasn’t sure if his ears were deceiving him or not. Recently he’d been having a lot of moments where he would hear things—little things that it seemed nobody else would—but he’d chalked that up to always having his senses on high alert back at Black Mesa. A residual sense from the constant threat to his life that took up that entire weekend. This thought was ripped from his mind, however, when he heard another crash shortly after the first.

He had to scramble to affix his prosthetic hand, which was laying on the end table next to him. It took him a bit longer, struggling with the liner in his panicked state. He _had_ to get used to this thing. Eventually, he had everything strapped on properly and jumped up. Grabbing the nearest thing that resembled a weapon, which just so happened to be his bedside lamp, he slowly crept over to his bedroom door. As softly as possible, he opened his door and shuffled down the darkened hall, holding the hastily-disconnected object over his shoulder like a baseball bat. It wasn’t much of a weapon, and he cursed himself for not having anything better within reach of his bed, but now wasn’t the time to worry about that. The only important thing was the dark shadow he saw hunched over on his open kitchen counter, facing away from him.

His heart stopped—what was this? An alien left over from Black Mesa? The last thing he saw of the place was the mushroom cloud in the background as they were spending time at Chuck-E-Cheese’s. He would’ve freaked out about it more in the moment if he weren’t so _tired_ from everything that happened. He flicked on the lights and braced himself to strike, not at all expecting what he found on his countertop.

“ _BENRY?_ ” Gordon practically screamed, cursing himself as he remembered what time it was. Benry was crouched on top of his kitchen counter, taking bites out of a whole banana, peel and all.

“’Sup.” He stated before taking another bite out of his fruit. His voice was hoarse and crackly, and his face looked like the palest piece of beef jerky Gordon had ever seen. His sunken eyes looked bored as all hell as he waited for a response.

“’Sup?’ _‘SUP?’_ ” Gordon’s chest filled with rage at this… _man’s_ nonchalance. “You have the AUDACITY to sneak into my home in the _middle_ of the night, eat my food _without asking_ , and then all you say is ‘sup?’ This is breaking and entering! You’re lucky I fucking hate cops, or else I’d call them on you right now.” He was absolutely fuming. He thought, for all intents and purposes, that he had _demolished_ Benry. He thought that the Science Team had run him into the ground, and that was it. Bye-bye Benry. “How are you still alive even? And what the _fuck_ are you doing to that poor banana?” He pointed at the fruit in Benry’s hands, which he continued to chomp into through the peel.

“Huh, wha? This is a banana?” He looked down at the fruit in question and shrugged. “Shitty banana, then.” Benry took another bite, eliciting a disgusted look from Gordon. “You left your window open.”

They both looked over to one of the windows in Gordon’s living room, which was, in fact, wide open.

“’Cause like, bro, if you didn’t- if you didn’t want… y’know, FRIENDS comin’ over, you shouldn’t have left your window open. Bro.” The two stood in silence, Benry finishing his banana by eating the entire thing. He hopped down from the counter, standing upright. “You got PS+?”

“ _No_ , no I _don’t_ have PS+. You never fucking answered me, how the _fuck_ are you still alive?” Gordon felt like he was about to burst a blood vessel in his neck from how angry he was. “And how the fuck did you climb in my window? I’m on the fifth fucking—” He paused. “…Y’know what? Never mind that.” He looked down at the much smaller man, there was at least half a foot of difference in between them. In the light he could see that he was still wearing his entire security uniform, helmet and all. Had he even _washed_ any of that? Or taken a shower at _all_?

“Boooo… Boring little- little Feetman, doesn’t even have PS+… Lame.” Benry huffed, looking up at Gordon. “Shitty food, shitty house, shitty games…” He mumbled under his breath, looking around the 5th story apartment. He looked Gordon over, scanning every article of his clothing, before looking him in the eyes again. He had a smirk on his face. “At least you learned how to keep your dick in your pants.”

“Alright, that’s it.” Gordon stomped over to the front door and flung it open, gesturing angrily towards it. “I’ve… had enough of you for one lifetime. Get out of my house, get out of my _life_.”

Benry muttered something along the lines of ‘Top 10 cringe fail Gordon moments’ before reluctantly exiting the home. Gordon sighed as he slammed the door behind him. He glanced at a door that was cracked open—Joshua’s room—listening for any movement. Thankfully, Josh had stayed asleep through the entire argument. Gordon turned off the light in the living room before going back to his room to pass back out.

Life… wasn’t that easy to adjust to after the incident at Black Mesa. Not a day goes by where Gordon isn’t grateful that the event just so happened to occur when he was supposed to be taking an extended stay at the facility for testing. Joshua was in the safe care of a good family friend while Gordon went to hell and back. After the Resonance Cascade, the whole place was bombed, there was a media blackout, everyone was paid off for life, the works. The _last_ thing he wanted was to get his only son wrapped up in all of that nonsense. He shuddered at the thought of what could’ve happened otherwise.

The first thing Gordon did upon arriving back home was take a long, hot shower. While he had been protected by his HEV suit for the majority of the event, there was still the issue of being stuck marinating in his own blood, sweat, and tears for several days. He hadn’t felt anything on his bare skin, let alone refreshing water, in what felt like years. It was a strange feeling when he had to take off his new hand to shower—he learned that it was _not_ waterproof from a very quick debrief after the party.

He had taken what had to be at _least_ five minutes just… staring at his stump. To say it was difficult to shower with only one hand was a severe understatement. It was harder to get himself to close his eyes at all, but he really needed to wash his hair and face. He was terrified that something horrible was going to happen when he least expected it. Maybe an alien would burst through his bathroom window and maul him with his eyes closed. He reminded himself that it was all over and he could finally relax. It was very, _very_ difficult to convince himself that no, there wouldn’t be any more aliens, but he eventually believed it.

At least, until he saw his current worst enemy crouching on his kitchen countertop.

Gordon rubbed his face in annoyance, realizing that he had no idea what kind of dirt or god-knows-what Benry had tracked onto his counters from outside. He’d have to scrub the entire thing clean in the morning before he could let Josh anywhere near it. Who knows if he had some sort of alien residue left on him from their big, final showdown? Or, at least, what he _thought_ was their final showdown. Clearly that wasn’t the case anymore, unless this was another horrible nightmare. It didn’t feel like any that he’d been having recently, though, so he knew that was merely wishful thinking.

Shuffling back into his room, he closed the door behind him before realizing he left the unplugged lamp in the living room. Whatever, he’d get that in the morning too, he decided.

The next thing Gordon knew, sunlight was streaming through his curtains, and he was being shaken awake by tiny hands.

“Daddy, daddy!” A small voice echoed in his sleep addled mind, slowly bringing Gordon back to reality. “There’s a man here!” He snapped awake fully at this, head whipping around to scan the room for danger. As soon as he realized what his son’s words meant, his face paled.

“Joshie, stay in here. Daddy’s gonna take care of the man.” He stood up, watching Josh hop up onto his bed and hide under his blankets. He slipped his hand back on, walking across the room to his closet. Gordon rummaged around the contents for something to use as a proper weapon, and his hands found an old hockey stick he’d had since high school. He used to be pretty damn good at street hockey, if he were to say so himself, but he mostly kept the old thing around for nostalgia’s sake. He never thought he’d actually _need_ it.

He stepped out into the, now lit, hallway, ready to kick some intruder ass. He figured he already knew who it was, but that didn’t change how hard he was going to beat him into the ground in a second. If anything, he was going to beat him _harder_ than he would a normal intruder. He scanned the room, looking for _him_ , but not finding anyone around. Slowly, he wandered around the living room, when out of nowhere, he heard a voice.

“Oh, bro, you have- you have an Xbox? That’s- that’s kinda cringe bro, not gonna lie.”

Gordon jumped, turning around to find Benry somehow standing right in front of his TV. How did he get there? He had just looked over there, and there was no Benry to be found. Was he ducking behind the couch? Had he been following directly behind Gordon without him noticing? Did he teleport, or some other crazy, alien shit?

“Benry, I’m not gonna say this again. Get. The fuck. Out. Of. My. House.” Gordon snarled, voice dripping with as much venom as he could muster. He was in full-on fight or flight mode, and his hockey stick was ready for a fight. If Benry had come back looking to harm his family, he’d have to kill Gordon first. But Benry only raised his hands up in front of his chest in a defensive manner.

“Hey bro, calm down.”

Before Gordon could get a word in edgewise, Benry sang a solid note towards him. Blue orbs spilled from his mouth as they flew directly at Gordon, hitting him square in the face and obscuring his vision. He felt all of the anger drain from his body in an instant, and his hold on his weapon went slack. Benry smirked at Gordon, who was desperately trying to fight against the sedating effects. Asshole.

“Dude. You have _got_ to stop doing… whatever it is you do when you spit that shit at me.” Gordon sighed. “Look man, I’m really fucking tired. My son—you know, the one you said looked like shit—is hiding in the other room cause there’s this strange fuckin…” He vaguely gestured towards Benry. “I’m not even sure if I could call you a _man-_ ”

“Ouch.”

“-standing around our living room, doing _god-knows-what_.” He wished he could sound more upset, but the effects of the Sweet Voice hadn’t nearly worn off yet.

“Oh yeahhh, the little dude?” Benry brought his hand towards the ground to indicate a child’s height. “Yeah, I saw him staring at me when- when I was grabbing a little- a lil’ snack.”

Gordon’s body shuddered as he desperately wanted to lunge at Benry. He _never_ gave him permission to eat _any_ of his food, whatsoever.

“So I tried to say to him… I tried to say ‘Hey, lil’ buddy,’ but he ran away. Quiet as fuck, too. Total- total gamer fail moment.” A frown stretched across his sickly pale face, showing clear disappointment that a random child didn’t want to talk to him. Never mind the fact that he was an unknown man who intruded upon said child’s home.

“Benry, I don’t know how to tell you this, but children here? On Earth? They don’t _want_ to talk to random strangers. It’s not _safe_ for them to.” Benry booed at this statement, but Gordon ignored him. “I don’t know _where_ you came from, or _what_ your customs were there, but that’s one thing that just doesn’t fly here. If you’re going to stay here-”

“Stay here?” Benry interjected, smirking. Gordon put his hand over his face momentarily before continuing.

“Stay here as in stay _in this world_ , and _not_ in my house, then you’re going to need to learn how things work around here. I can… Here, how about I just…” Gordon went over to the TV and turned on his cable box, switching over to some random channel that he thought would’ve been educational enough. He, by all means, didn’t want Benry to stay here for _any_ period of time, but he felt like the least he could do was teach him how to… exist in the outside world. If not for _his_ sake, then for the sake of everyone he’d ever come into contact with.

“Just… Watch this, for a bit. I’ll go tell Josh you’re… an old acquaintance, or something, so he stops freaking out.” He turned, starting to walk down the hallway, before turning back around. “And don’t go touching anything, okay? The _last_ thing I want is you fucking up any _more_ of my life.”

He turned back down the hallway and walked back into his room. Joshua was still mostly hiding under the blankets, but his tiny head was poking out ever-so-slightly. Gordon sat down on the bed next to him and ruffled his curly hair. The kid looked practically like an identical clone of him, with some minor differences inherited from his mom. Gordon… tried not to think about her all that much, all he would ever tell anyone about her is that he was glad she’s off doing whatever else in her life, _far_ away from him and Joshua.

“Hey little buddy, it’s alright. That guy out there, he’s just…” He paused. “An old friend of mine, from high school. I haven’t seen him in a while.” He pulled Josh from underneath the covers and held him on his lap, facing him. “He’s alright, he’s just… a little strange. He won’t be here for long, though, I promise.”

“Daddy, why he eat a eggy in the shell? Thas gonna hurt him!” Josh’s large, deep green eyes met his dad’s, who sighed heavily.

“He just… does that kinda stuff sometimes. It’s fine, kiddo, it doesn’t hurt him. At least, I don’t think so.” He thought about it for a moment, but shook it off. “Here, let’s get up and get you some breakfast, alright champ?” Gordon lifted Josh up and carried him to the kitchen, where he set him down in his booster seat at the kitchen table. He glanced over at Benry, who was watching something about a production plant very intently.

“Daddy! I want fruit salad!” Joshua kicked his legs to get Gordon’s attention. He quickly turned his head back to the toddler, who was now beginning to slam his tiny fists onto the table.

“Alright, Joshie, I’ll get you your fruit salad.” He walked over to the fridge and rummaged through some Tupperware boxes, eventually finding the desired food. He put a healthy portion into a small, plastic bowl with pictures of cowboys printed on it, grabbing him a matching plastic spork. He followed by pouring some apple juice into a sippy cup with a top shaped like a cowboy hat, and placing it all in front of the child. Joshua clapped ecstatically before picking up the spork and going to town on the dish in front of him. Gordon remembered last night, and that he needed to wipe off the counter. He picked up a large bottle of disinfectant wipes and cleaned _everything_.

“Hey lil’ man, what’s with the cowboy stuff?” Gordon jumped at hearing Benry’s voice come from practically right behind him. He flipped around and found him next to the table, staring down at his son. The man moved so quietly Gordon could’ve sworn he floated over. Actually, maybe he had, now that he thought about it. He really wouldn’t put it past him.

“Fruit salad cowboy!” Joshua exclaimed, his emerald eyes sparkling with joy, completely unaware of the dangerous creature he was talking to. Gordon set his jaw, dropping the disinfectant wipe he was using onto the counter. He had to do _something_ , keep an eye on them at least. He _had_ to keep Josh safe from the absolute bullshit—intentional or otherwise—that always seemed to follow Benry. If he wasn’t careful, he could end up with a burnt kid, or worse.

“Yeah, he’s been… been saying that a lot.” He subtly tried to shuffle in between his son and Benry. There was no way in _hell_ he was letting him get that close to Josh. “He’s going through, uh, a big cowboy phase recently. Won’t stop talking about them.” He glanced back at his son, checking to see that yes, he was still safe. Thankfully, he was still fully engrossed in his fruity breakfast. Benry just nodded intently, seemingly oblivious to Gordon’s discomfort, taking in every word.

“Oh, poggers.” He shuffled around Gordon and crouched down slightly to be eye level with Josh. So much for trying to nonchalantly keep himself in between them. “Cowboys are pretty- pretty neat, huh?”

Josh looked away shyly, before nodding vigorously.

“Epic, man. Yeah, I don’t… I don’t know much about cowboys, n stuff, y’know? How about you tell me… about them.”

Josh snapped his head up to look at the man, eyes gleaming, before babbling half incoherently about horses and lassos. There were also a few numbers peppered in there, for what reason is anyone’s guess, but Benry listened to him go on and on. He would occasionally chime in with an addition of ‘Poggers’ or ‘That’s epic, bro’ and the like, however he stayed mostly silent, letting Joshua have the floor.

To say Gordon was impressed—albeit still _very_ on edge—was a severe understatement. He had never seen anyone be so… inherently _great_ with kids, let alone someone non-human. The only person he had ever seen Josh talk with this much before was himself. He just wouldn’t stop talking, even in the middle of mouthfuls of fruit salad. It was as though Joshua were an endless fountain of—wildly incorrect—cowboy knowledge, and Benry was soaking up every last bit. Gordon found himself thinking that maybe, _just_ maybe, he wasn’t as bad of a guy as he initially thought… You know, _despite_ all the shitty things he’d done.

Before Gordon knew it, Josh had finished both his fruit salad and his juice, and was still talking about cowboys. He picked up his dishes and brought them to the sink. Gordon wasn’t sure if it was the work of the Sweet Voice or not, but he felt calmer about letting Benry talk to his son a few feet away from him. Putting on a pair of heavy-duty kitchen gloves—he had to make sure his prosthetic would stay as dry as possible—he washed the dishes off, putting them in the drying rack next to the sink.

“Hey… Wanna play uhhhh, PS3 with me? I’ve got- I’ve got this cool cowboy game. You can be a cowboy. I think you’ll like it, little buddy.” Josh clapped his hands furiously at the mention of the word cowboy, but before Benry could do anything, Gordon interjected.

“Benry, dude, we don’t _have_ a PS3. Remember?” His still-gloved hand gestured towards the TV stand, which held his TV, a beat-up Xbox 360 that looked like it had seen some years of heavy use, and an even older VCR player. “Just my ‘cringe’ Xbox.” Benry glanced over quickly before returning his gaze to Gordon.

“Huh, wha? Wha- whatdya mean? I brought one.” Before Gordon could respond, Benry turned around and picked up a fairly new-looking PS3, complete with all the wires and controllers. Gordon was dumbfounded, how did he not notice that laying on the couch earlier? Was he going insane? “Don’t worry, Feetman, I know- I know how to set it… up.” He walked over to the TV and started messing with the wires coming from the back of it. Gordon jolted to action, ripped his gloves off, and briskly walked over.

“Oh, no, you’re not. You are _not_ setting up _your_ console here. This is _my_ house.”

“Already got it.”

Gordon was taken aback when he saw that the console was, in fact, entirely set up and ready to play. Benry had already switched the input over to his—he had chosen HDMI 3 ‘because it’s a PS _3, duh_ ’—and was attempting to connect it to Gordon’s Wi-Fi.

“Hey, man, what’s your- your Wi-Fi password? Huh?” Benry glanced at him from the corner of his eye before quickly flicking back to the screen, waiting for a response. Gordon said nothing for a moment, before he found Joshua grabbing onto his plaid pajama pant leg and tugging to get his attention.

“Lemme play the Playtation!” Josh whined, begging his dad to _please_ let him play. Gordon wanted to protest, but caved almost immediately upon hearing the positively adorable mispronunciation of ‘Playstation’. How could he say ‘no’ to _that_ precious, angelic voice?

“Alright, alright. Let me get the password from the back of the router.” Gordon walked over to a small box sitting on a shelf close by to the front door, grabbing a ballpoint pen and a small, spiral-bound notepad along the way. He scribbled the series of random numbers and letters from the router, before ripping the paper out of its binding and handing it to Benry.

“Oh, lame… Feetman can’t even change the pass- the password on his uhhhhh… internet, box.” He said these last two words, unsure of himself, but carefully typed out the password into the text box. Sure enough, 12 characters later and he was in. “Alright, buddy… We’re gonna play the- the most _epic_ cowboy game… ever made.” Benry pulled a pristine game case from some hidden pocket in his security vest—which he was, for some reason, _still_ wearing—prompting Gordon to ask a very important question.

“What game, exactly, are you… showing my son?”

“Red Dead Redemption.” Benry answered simply, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Upon hearing this, Gordon snatched up the game case from his hands without a word. “Aww… Laaaammeeee…”

“You are _not_ showing my _five-year-old son_ an M rated game.” Benry booed and Josh began to cry. “Look, no, that’s _final_. My child is _not_ playing this.” He walked over and put the case on the kitchen counter, out of reach of either of them. “Play something, oh you know, _child friendly_? Like…” Gordon thought for a moment. “…Doesn’t Little Big Planet have cowboy stuff in it?” Josh stopped crying at the mention of cowboys and started bouncing up and down in excitement.

“Lil’ Big Plant! Lil’ Big Plant!” He began chanting, clapping his hands together. Gordon remembered that he played it at a friend’s place during a playdate once, and it was all he had talked about for a week or so afterwards. “Daddy, I wanna play Lil’ Big Plant!” Gordon looked over at Benry, a smug grin plastered on his face.

Benry sighed, and pulled another, equally pristine game case—this time bearing the title ‘LittleBigPlanet’—from the same pocket. At least, Gordon _assumed_ it was a pocket, what else would be on the inside of a security vest? He decided not to dwell on it, after all it wasn’t the _strangest_ thing he’d seen Benry do.

Benry inserted the game disk as Joshua squealed in excitement. Gordon sat in between the two, handing Josh a controller. It looked gigantic in his adorable little hands. The kid was barely able to reach any of the buttons. He was kicking his legs in pure anticipation as the opening cutscene played out. Gordon watched as the two played through the first several levels, Benry mostly carrying the team. The man would occasionally compliment Josh on his ‘gamer skills’ whenever he’d get a prize bubble or the like.

Before long, the two ended up getting all the way through to the fourth area. Josh started screaming in delight as he unlocked all of the cowboy accessories, immediately putting as much on his character as possible—with Benry’s help, of course. Benry’s character, however, was dressed as close to a security guard as he possibly could.

Figures, Gordon thought.

Partway through the ‘cowboy’ levels—Gordon noticed they had very little to do with actual cowboys—they took a small snack break. Gordon got everyone some Goldfish crackers and apple juice, and Josh once again babbled about cowboys. Benry looked at the crackers suspiciously before trying a few. He muttered a ‘Not bad’ before slowly finishing his bowl. Josh wanted to finish his snack as soon as he could so they could get back to the game. They ended up getting through the beginning level of the fifth area, before Joshua started yawning, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Gordon checked the time: 1:00 PM. Yep, right on time.

“Alright, Joshie, it’s naptime. Time to wrap up the game for now.”

“I’m not sleepy!” Josh protested, folding his arms in front of his chest.

“You can play more after, alright?” Gordon picked him up and carried him over to his room, tucking him in for his afternoon nap. Despite his earlier protests, he was out like a light almost immediately upon contact with his bed. Gordon walked back out to the living room, sighing. He saw that Benry had switched the connection back over to the cable box, and he was watching a show where a small group of people were exploding various things in an empty field. He hadn’t changed the channel.

“Oh, hey Feetman. Put your- put your lil’ buddy to sleep there?”

Gordon nodded curtly in agreement before plopping down on the opposite end of the couch. There was a moment or two of silence.

“Not to sound like… like a dick, or anything, but your kid… your kid seems, like, y’know…” He trailed off, making vague gestures with his hands. “He can’t, like… talk, good. Like, what the fuck is up with that, huh?”

Gordon blinked at him owlishly.

“You’re saying my kid… can’t talk well? You’re one to fucking talk, asshole.”

“Yeah, well, aren’t humans… like, aren’t you guys supposed to- to be able to say shit right? Is he like, okay, y’know? There isn’t like… he’s not like- like, broken, or anything, right, bro?” Benry didn’t look at Gordon the entire time he was talking to him, but his tone of voice showed a surprising level of genuine concern. Gordon was taken aback. He wasn’t sure what Benry meant, or was implying, or what.

“What, are you expecting Josh to be able to… speak in coherent sentences?”

Benry nodded, prompting a laugh from Gordon.

“Oh, oh my god, no. That’s not how kids work, dude. They don’t know how to _talk_ right away. They don’t know how to do _anything_ right away.” Benry’s slight twitch in facial expressions betrayed his confusion. “Dude, the kid’s _five_ , he barely knows how to count to 30.” Gordon paused for a second. “Actually, now that I think about it… that’s _really_ advanced for a five-year-old. Damn.” He smiled at the wall. “You did good, Gordon. You did good.” He looked over at Benry, who was staring at him now. He cleared his throat.

“Sorry, not used to having guests around.” He wasn’t sure why he was apologizing, but it just slipped out.

Benry raised an eyebrow.

“What? It’s not like I can throw killer parties like I used to, now that I have a kid. The closest I’ve gotten in recent years is inviting a couple friends over for board games.” He glanced at the other man, who was still staring at him, blankly.

“…Hold on,” Gordon started. “Do you… do you not know what a board game is?”

“Uhh, of _course_ I know what that is, _duh_. What’re you, fuckin like… an idiot? Huh? Do _you_ know what that is?”

“Alright, then what _are_ they?” Gordon smirked. “Go on, take your time.”

“Shit like- like fuckinnn… Mario Party, n’ shit, bro.” Benry’s voice was as smug as usual. “You roll a fuckin die, or some shit… Movin’ around n’- n’ shit, playing minigames…”

Gordon cut him off with a laugh.

“Bro, there’s more to real ass board games than that. That’s not even… Most board games don’t even _have_ minigames.”

“Sounds boring, man...” Benry frowned, looking down at his fingernails.

“Nah, they’re actually really fun. There’s like… _so_ many genres.” Gordon started counting with his fingers. “There’s shit like Monopoly, or Jenga, or Sorry…” He waved his hand towards the smaller man dismissively. “Eh, there’s so many, I’ll have to show you some later.” He paused. Why was he talking as though he _planned_ on hanging out with him another time? He didn’t ever want to see his pale face _again_ after today. And was Benry _smiling_? It was small and thin, but there was definitely a hint of a grin there. What a smug asshole, he must’ve done _something_ to make Gordon consider spending more time with him.

He didn’t realize the room fell silent until Benry spoke up again.

“Your- Your kid, he still looks a bit shit, yeah? But he’s like… he’s like, already a pro gamer, y’know? Like… I’m talking like, top 10 epic- epic gameerrrrr moments. And he can’t even, like… can’t even speak right yet. Totally poggers.” Benry looked in the opposite direction in silence for a bit, before muttering something under his breath. Gordon wasn’t able to catch all of it, but he thought he heard the words ‘cringe’ and ‘dad’.

“What was that?” He looked over at Benry, confused and slightly pissed off.

He was still looking the other way, repeatedly muttering ‘Nothing’. Gordon sensed something was up, and his demeanor changed.

“Sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you,” He began to grin, knowing he said _something_ embarrassing. It seemed as though Benry was having a harder and harder time not cracking under the pressure. “Could you repeat that, _bro_?” Gordon practically laughed when Benry fell entirely silent, not even murmuring anymore. He could’ve sworn he saw the slightest tinge of red betray his deathly pale skin, but he figured it must’ve just been a trick of the light.

They continued watching TV in silence for a small while, before Gordon heard small footsteps padding down the hallway. He turned to face the sound, and sure enough, Joshua stood there, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with one hand. In the other, he held a small—although it looked big in the hands of a toddler—stuffed felt cowboy doll. Gordon remembered winning it for him at a county fair once. Come to think of it, that may have been where his obsession with the western characters came from in the first place. Gordon didn’t have time to ponder it for long though, as Josh broke the short-lived silence.

“Lil’ Big Plant!”

“Hey there, sleepyhead. How was naptime?”

“Good…” Joshua muttered before walking up to Gordon and hopping into his lap.

“Aww, come here, big guy.” The two hugged for a minute or two, Benry watching on in awe, as though he had never seen human affection before. Then again, he more than likely hadn’t. Black Mesa hadn’t ever been a ‘human affection’ hotspot exactly, and _especially_ not after all the alien nonsense. Gordon stopped that train of thought before it could ruin any fun he was having. He giggled and ruffled the kid’s hair. Josh turned back towards the TV suddenly, grasping for the PS3 controller.

“Lil’ Big Plant! Wanna play! Wanna play Playtation!” Josh continued to grab at the controller, out of reach of his tiny arms. Gordon chuckled, bending forward a bit to grab the controller for him. He squealed in happiness as soon as it was handed to him, now grasping for Benry to turn the game on. Gordon was _sure_ he saw a smile on his face this time as he switched the TV input back to the console. Their game was still paused, and they wasted no time in continuing the stage they stopped at. They made an interesting duo to watch. Josh was dressed up like a proper cowboy, meanwhile Benry’s outfit looked like someone tried to throw together a security guard Halloween costume just using clothes they found at Goodwill.

Gordon sat with Josh in his lap the entire time. He hated being next to Benry, but he didn’t want to leave his son _anywhere_ near him unattended. Even though he was holding onto Josh, he kept glancing over to see what the man sitting next to him was doing. He reminded himself that he couldn’t be too careful around him. Benry wasn’t doing anything now, but who _knew_ what kind of crazy shit he’d do if Gordon let his guard down too much? He’d have to keep an eye on him no matter what. Gordon knew he would’ve kicked Benry out if he had the chance, but of course he _had_ to have done something to get Josh attached to him. There was no way he didn’t premeditate that. He _always_ did shit like this on purpose. Talk to someone for a bit, become their ‘friend’, hang out with them, and then stab them in the back at the _worst_ time. He knew this song and dance all too well.

“Hey Feetman, check this out.”

“Huh?” Gordon didn’t realize he’d been spacing out for a bit there, still holding onto Joshua. He looked up towards the screen. They had gotten bored of the story levels long ago, and Benry was dragging around a flat rectangle with some stickers on it. There was a face with long hair, a body in an orange shirt and pants, and giant feet. The feet were so big, they got cut off at the ends. “Wh-”

“I made you.”

Joshua giggled, kicking his tiny feet and pointing at the screen. Gordon stared at the creation. He didn’t know what to think about it. He assumed that the size of the feet was due to Benry’s… _affectionate_ nickname for him. He _hated_ that stupid name, but he had to admit it was… a little funny. He tried to suppress a laugh as the man started to spin the image around in the air.

“Dude, that looks horrible.”

“Ouch…”

Gordon tried to stay on edge after that, but it was getting more and more difficult. Josh was just having so much fun, and his laughter was _contagious_. Eventually, he found himself joining in with commentary and jokes. He helped Josh make a small portrait of the two of them out of stickers. Benry tried to convince him to make the feet on his visage huge, but he ignored him. Josh put a cowboy hat on his image, to the surprise of nobody. He put a finishing touch of a little heart in between them, and Gordon smiled.

“That looks great, buddy!”

Josh dropped the controller into his lap and started clapping. He only ever did that when he was _really_ happy. It made Gordon smile. He ruffled his hair and planted a very quick kiss on the top of his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he could’ve sworn he caught Benry looking towards them, but his head was turned back towards the screen when he checked. Josh picked up his controller again and started putting stickers on every available surface. There were a couple times throughout the night where Gordon actually _saw_ Benry glance over, but he would never say anything to him. That was… weird. Eventually, Gordon snuck a glance at the clock on his ancient VCR player: 6:00 PM.

“Shi- uhhhh, shoot! It’s time to make dinner.” He messed up Josh’s hair again. “What do you want, Joshie?” He didn’t respond at first, focusing intently on his game, but eventually piped up.

“Chicken nugget!”

“Alright, you want nuggets? What about you, Benry?” Gordon wasn’t entirely sure why he was even _asking_ him, but the question left him before he could stop himself.

“Wha, huh? Sure, yeah, that’s… that’s fine.”

Gordon lifted Josh off of his lap and set him back down on the couch so he could make everyone food. He preheated the oven and prepped the baking sheet, looking at the directions on the colorful box. He only ever got dinosaur-shaped nuggets, since those were Joshua’s favorite. Not to mention they were objectively the best chicken nuggets ever made. While he was waiting for the oven, he stood and watched Benry and Josh play.

Benry was… either surprisingly or unsurprisingly—Gordon couldn’t decide—good at this game. Josh was, well, a five-year-old, so he was only as good as someone of his age could possibly be. They were building wild things in their own little world, Benry making elaborate contraptions while Joshua tried to help as best as he could. The best he could do by himself, it seemed, was spawn in large rectangles of material and place decorations, but he was still very proud of his own ability.

Once the oven was ready, he popped the nuggets in and set the timer for about an hour. He sat down in between them to watch the game taking place. Somehow, against all odds, they had managed to construct a giant cowboy hat and affix it to Joshua’s character. Gordon laughed as Josh babbled happily, running around the level, now partially populated with various interesting gadgets. He asked what a couple of them did, and was given a good demonstration of each of them. Benry was surprisingly coherent throughout the entire game session. When the timer went off, Gordon rushed over to remove the nuggets, leaving them on the counter to cool for a bit.

“Joshie, bud, what veggie do you want?”

“Celery!”

Gordon nodded as he washed and cut up a few stalks into small pieces. After he finished, he placed a serving on everyone’s plates and placed them around the table, a single bottle of ketchup sitting in the middle.

“Alright, guys, time to put the game on pause and come eat!”

Benry groaned, but Josh hopped up almost immediately and ran to his chair. Gordon helped him wash his hands in the kitchen sink, put him up in his booster seat again, and gave him a good helping of ketchup from the plastic squeeze bottle.

“Want some?” He offered the bottle to Benry, who declined.

“Nah, I hate- hate whatever they… make that out of. It’s nasty.” Gordon shrugged and placed some on his own plate. “Do- do you have, like…” Benry paused for a second. “The… Yellow?” Gordon turned his attention from his plate to look up at the man.

“The… _yellow_? The yellow _what_?”

“Y’know, the- the yellow. Like that but yellow.” He pointed to the ketchup bottle. “…And it tastes better.” Gordon blinked at him before realizing what he meant.

“You… Are you talking about _mustard_?” Benry gave a puzzled look, which sent Gordon into a laughing fit. “Oh my _GOD_ , dude. You know what ketchup is, you know what _mayo_ is, but you don’t know _mustard_?”

“Bro, of _course_ I know what it is, why- why else would I _ask_?” Benry crossed his arms, puffing his hollow cheeks out in indignation.

Josh joined in on the laughter, giggling happily while dipping a pterodactyl into his pool of ketchup. Gordon wiped tears from his eyes, calming down a bit.

“No, no we don’t have mustard. That stuff’s gross.” He smiled as he watched Benry’s face drop even more. 

“…You’re gross…” Benry muttered under his breath, before poking a finger at a t-rex. He glanced up, dark eyes looking around to see what the others were doing. Hesitantly, he picked up a nugget and brought it to his mouth. He took a bite, and involuntarily let out a long low-pitched tone, teal orbs rising from his mouth. He took another bite, then another, until the entire dinosaur was gone. He hurriedly picked up another and scarfed it down twice as fast. He didn’t stop until his plate was void of all prehistoric shapes, and the only things left were a handful of small pieces of celery. He looked up to see Gordon gawking at him. “What? Jealous cause I- cause I ate the… the things faster than you? Huh? Feetman?”

“You,” Gordon sighed. “You… didn’t eat your celery.” He pointed down at the offending stalks.

Benry _scoffed_ at him—the _audacity_ —and stood up to turn around.

“Uh-uh, buddy.” Gordon put a hand on his shoulder, causing him to stiffen up. “You have to come back here and at least _try_ to finish your food. Besides,” He leaned in closer to his ear, bringing his voice down low to be as threateningly persuasive as possible. “You wouldn’t want to set a bad example for little Joshie here, _would you_?” This sent an almost imperceptible shudder through his body in response. Gordon still perceived it, though, and he smirked at his successful intimidation.

“Well, I- Y’know, I… the kid can- can think for, for himself, Fr- FEETman, but… y’know if he need- if he NEEDS me to, I can… Uhhh I can…” Benry stammered, making a point to not look at Gordon. “I can eat- eat the… ‘cellar-ie’…” He pronounced this last part very stiffly, as though he wasn’t sure what the word was. Gently, he picked up one of the tiny pieces of celery on his place and examined it. He brought it closer to his mouth with apprehension before taking a bite. A million microscopic expressions flashed over his blank face as he crunched the bit of vegetable, swallowing it soon after. Silently, he placed the rest of it back onto his plate and walked back over to the couch. Gordon blinked at him.

“Well, at least he tried.” Gordon shrugged, turning his attention to his kid, who had already finished all of the celery on his plate. “You want the rest of Benry’s?”

Josh nodded enthusiastically and Gordon threw away the half-eaten piece. He handed the rest of it to Joshua and started to clean up everyone’s plates. After washing up, he told Benry to wait in the living room and to ‘behave himself’ as he went to give Josh a bath and put him to bed.

“I want bubble!” Joshua tugged at Gordon’s sleeve as he walked him towards the bathroom.

“No, Joshie, you had bubble time yesterday, remember?” He laughed when Josh puffed up his cheeks, upset at this very clear injustice towards him. Ushering his kid into the bathroom, he shot back one last angry glance before closing the door.

Gordon prepped everything for Josh’s bath, making sure the water temperature was perfect before placing him in. He had to remove his prosthesis in order to actually help bathe him. Luckily Josh had gotten big enough to be able to actually sit in the bathtub, Gordon didn’t know _what_ he’d do otherwise. They went through their normal bath time routine, and he had just finished washing his son’s hair free of conditioner when Josh asked him something that caught him off guard.

“When can I play with Benny again?” Benny? He must’ve been trying to pronounce Benry’s name, which was… frankly adorable as all hell. “He- Benny, Benny really nice! We talked about cowboy an- an played Lil’ Big Plant!”

Gordon chuckled halfheartedly, realizing that his son would miss Benry once he inevitably kicked him out. Hopefully permanently this time, Gordon thought.

“We’ll… have to see, bud. He’s, uhh…” He struggled to think of an excuse for not ever having him come back into their lives. “He… goes around to different places a lot. He’s not gonna be here again for a while, bud.”

Josh began to whimper at hearing this, and Gordon hurried to calm him down.

“It’s alright, Joshie! He’ll come back someday, I’m sure of it.” This ended up calming down his whimpers, but he still had a frown plastered across his tiny face. “Here, let’s finish getting you all cleaned up.”

A little bit later, Gordon finally got Joshua all cleaned, dried, and dressed. He handed him his cowboy, and they walked out into the hallway together. Josh was moving more sluggishly now, tuckered out from the long day of fun. Gordon held his tiny hand as they moved towards his bedroom, passing through the living room on their way there. Benry saw the two out of the corner of his eye and got up, walking over to give Josh a high five, saying something about a ‘good game’. He glanced down at the doll Josh was holding.

“Hey, hey lil’- lil’ buddy. What’s… you got, you got your friend there? Lil’ cowboy friend? What’s, like… What’s his name?” Benry grabbed one arm of the doll, holding it up in between two thin fingers before letting it fall limp again. Josh looked up towards him with sparkling eyes.

“His name’s, um, ‘s Wyatt! Wyatt Cowboy!” Gordon ruffled his son’s hair. “He was a… a evil cowboy, but he good now! I maked him good!” The child started rambling about this whole story he made up about his cowboy doll, Wyatt. Eventually he started trailing off, yawning in between words.

“Looks like it’s bedtime for _this_ little cowboy!” Gordon swung him up into his arms and tickled his stomach, eliciting an onslaught of giggles and kicks. Carrying him to his bed, he gently set him down and tucked him in. “Do you want daddy to sing you goodnight again?”

Joshua nodded vigorously.

“Alright, little man.” Gordon chuckled, clearing his throat. Benry stood in the doorway, listening to him sing Josh to sleep. It was an old lullaby, but he couldn’t remember where he’d learned it. Maybe he was sung it as a child by _his_ parents. Where he learned it didn’t matter, all that mattered was that Josh _loved_ it. Eventually, his song was interrupted by gentle snores, and his voice softly faded. He gave Josh a kiss on the forehead before turning around, finding Benry staring at him, mouth ever-so-slightly agape.

“What do you want _now_ , man?” He whispered as angrily as he could, not wanting to wake the child he just spent so long getting to sleep. Benry wasn’t taking up the entire width of the doorframe by any stretch of the imagination, but Gordon didn’t want to get close enough to him to even try to squeeze past. “Look dude, we’ve been over this before, I can’t _fit_ in doorways if you’re standing in them. I’m too big for that!”

Benry smirked and opened his mouth to speak.

“Don’t you _dare_. Just…” He sighed. “Just at _least_ go out into the living room.” Benry did as was asked of him, surprisingly, and soon they found themselves standing next to the couch.

“Ohh, what? What, little- little Feetman likes to sing, huh? Likes to sing his little- his little _baby songs_?”

Gordon clenched his fists at Benry’s words, choosing to consciously ignore the slight flush on the man’s face.

“Can’t even- Can’t even do a Sweet Voice, when he sings, little baby… Feetmaaaan.” Benry stood still, waiting for Gordon to respond to him, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Gordon looked about ready to deck the smaller man into next week.

“Listen, just…” Gordon breathed in heavily. “Look. I’m _glad_ you had fun spending time with Josh. He… actually seems to like you, somehow. Which is surprising, considering you’re a major dickwad.” He sounded incredibly exasperated. “I’ve… actually never heard him talk that much to a stranger before. It was… weird.”

“Oh poggers.”

“ _Shut up_. The point is… you had your fun, you played your games, and now it’s time to pack your shit up and _go_.” He emphasized the last word with a sharpness he hadn’t been expressing before. “I don’t know _where_ you came from, but wherever that is, you need to go back there.”

“Uhh, _actually_ , Feetman, I- I, my home, that was back- Black Mesa _was_ my home, and _you_ \- you got it… blown up, maaaan! It’s aaaaallll gone now, thanks- thanks to _you_.” He scowled at Gordon, who was taken aback by this. “Yeah, bet you… bet you didn’t _think_ , about that, huh? _Fail_ man? Yeah, you’re- you’re… cringe ass fail dad Failfeetman, can’t even… TEST right. Probably why… Shit was all _your_ fault.”

Gordon felt his blood boil at this last statement. Before he could even stop himself, he had grabbed Benry by the collar of his shirt with the strong grip of his right hand, metal knuckles creaking. Lifting him up to eye level, he locked eyes with the smaller man.

“ _Listen_.” His voice was dripping with venom. “If you _dare_ say that kind of thing to me again, I’ll make sure you don’t come back to life this time, you hear me?” Gordon saw the tinge of fear hidden behind Benry’s wide, sunken eyes as he bored holes of pure hatred into the man. “We’re not _friends_ , we’re not _buddies_ , and we certainly aren’t BROS.” Gordon spat. “What you’re going to do, is you’re going to leave. You’re going to leave, and you’re _never_ going to see me _or_ my son. _Ever. Again._ ” He dropped Benry back down onto his feet unceremoniously.

“Bro, bro you don’t- you don’t under… It’s a big misunderstanding, bro!”

Gordon ignored the man, stomping past him and disconnecting all of the PS3 cables from his TV.

“I don’t, bro! I don’t- I can’t- I have… nowhere. To go, bro. My home is _gone_ , my friends are _gone_ , everything’s _gone_. That’s- bro, that’s really sucks for me!” Benry caught the PS3, which was thrown over the couch to him.

“Not my _fucking_ problem, Benry. _Maybe_ you should’ve thought of that _before_ you tried to, oh I don’t know, kill me and the rest of the Science Team?” He angrily wrapped up all of the cables into one tiny bundle, before also tossing that over. He was about to throw the controllers at him too, when he was interrupted by a tiny voice.

“Daddy? Why did you throwed stuff at Benny?” Josh was standing in the hallway, clutching Wyatt to his chest. “Did… did Benny do sommin bad?” His eyes wide, looking as though they were about to fill with tears.

Benry looked at Gordon, a smug grin stretching thin across his face. Gordon sighed, walking over to where Josh was standing.

“Hey, buddy. Daddy was just telling Benry that he needed to go _home_ , now.”

“Bu- but daddy! Benny said… I heard Benny said, he dodn’t have a home!” Gordon’s face dropped. “If Benny dodn’t have a home, he dodn’t, he can’t, does he have no home to go?” Joshua had tears welling up in his eyes, wide and full of concern for Benry’s wellbeing.

Gordon’s heart sank as he realized that, yes, Benry meant a _lot_ to his son already.

“How much… How much of that did you hear, bud?” Gordon sighed as Josh shrugged his shoulders. “Alright, well…” He paused, sneaking a glance back towards Benry, who was now picking at his fingernails. “I _guess_ we can let him stay over _just for tonight_.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “In the morning, Benry can find _another place to live_.”

Joshua clapped at the prospect of getting to spend another day with his newfound friend.

“But _you_ , little guy, need to get to sleep pronto.” He picked up the child and brought him back to his bedroom. “You’ve got a big day at preschool tomorrow. You need to get your rest. Want daddy to sing you to sleep again?”

To his surprise, Josh shook his head ‘no’, before pointing at Benry in the doorway.

“I want Benny to sing! He singed at dinner, an he singed really pretty! He singed pretty colors!”

Benry stood up straighter at the request. Gordon looked between them a couple of times before settling his gaze back on his son.

“Joshie, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Benry’s voice can get a little—”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll do it.” Benry chimed in from behind Gordon. “I mean, it’s like- it’s not like, y’know, I don’t have anything _better_ … to do. Yeah. Besides, I’m _sorry_ the kid knows- knows _real_ talent when he hears it. Feetman.”

Gordon rolled his eyes as Benry stepped closer. Hesitantly, he moved out of the way to allow the anomaly to crouch down next to his son’s bed. His heart stopped for a moment as he remembered how he first found him in his home—crouched on his kitchen counter, taking chunks out of an unpeeled banana. The positions weren’t too unsimilar, and Gordon felt a terrifying feeling in his gut that he was gonna do the same thing to his _only son_ now. He had to prepare, had to be ready if something happened, had to be ready to pounce if Benry so much as laid a _finger_ on Josh. Oh god, _why_ did he let him get that _close_?

What actually happened couldn’t have been further from what he expected.

Benry began singing—actual singing, not just the sudden, sharp tones Gordon was used to hearing—very softly at first, but gradually getting louder. His Sweet Voice bubbled up all around him, in different shades and colors, swirling around Josh’s bed. His eyes were widened in awe, small hands reaching up to grasp at an orb. Benry continued to sing and those wonder-filled eyes slowly closed, sleep finally catching up to him again. He yawned, turning over onto his side and holding Wyatt close to his chest. The gentle notes gradually became softer and softer, until there was nothing left but fading colors hanging in the air. The room fell silent, save for the soft snores of a peacefully-sleeping child.

“How…” Gordon whispered, mouth agape. The Sweet Voice was almost entirely absent from the room now, Benry staring straight at Gordon. “…How.” He blinked at the shorter man for a prolonged moment before turning and leaving from the room. Benry followed him, standing along the back wall of the living room as Gordon grabbed a freshly-washed blanket folded on top of the hallway dryer. He rifled through the adjacent closet, pulling away with a couple of spare pillows. He walked back over to the couch in silence.

“Alright, house rules.” His voice was just loud enough that he could be heard, but soft enough so as to not wake any sleeping toddlers yet again. “Rule number one: You sleep on the couch.” He draped a large wool blanket over the white sofa, tossing the two pillows onto one end. “Rule number two: No eating my food.”

Benry groaned in protest.

“ _I_ say when it’s time to eat, alright? No more… jumping onto the counter and _desecrating_ my fruit bowl.” Gordon huffed. “Rule number three: No loud video games after 9. If you _have_ to play your stupid games, at _least_ mute the goddamn TV.”

“What if I- I get like… a really good killstreak, or something. Can I like… like- can I at least cheer?”

Gordon didn’t speak, answering his question with a _very_ pointed glare.

“Oh boooo… That’s like- that’s… totally sucks, bro… Epic gamer fail moment, dude.”

Gordon rolled his eyes and turned off the lights in the living room, leaving Benry in the dark.

“Goodnight, Benry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> top 10 benry gay and gordon oblivious moments number one gordon whisper in benry ear trying to be threatening but it Doesn't Work Like That™
> 
> i'm working on the second/third chapters as i speak and i'll try to get a nice weekly schedule going for y'all, so don't worry about having to wait too long in between chapters... i've got Big Plans™ so y'all better prepare yourselves
> 
> (also fuck i'm so sorry i forgot who made the little comic of benry eating a banana in its peel but that was a clear inspiration asfhaksdfjhksjf)


	2. I've Been Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benry gets to stay the night at Gordon's place. Not wanting to leave, though, he gets Tommy's help to come up with ways he can stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this wasn't finished a week after the first chapter, but i've decided that we're gonna have aswos sunday from here on out
> 
> CHANGELOG: removed formatting errors, added missing elements

Benry stared at _Feetman_ as he closed the door to his room, leaving him alone _again_. He grumbled under his breath. His _great friend_ was letting him stay over, but only for _one_ night? He wasn’t even going to SPEND it with him, just gonna go lay down on the ground unconscious like a _loser_.

He didn’t even know why he had to make it weird. All he said was he couldn’t go back. Didn’t he _remember_ what happened?

Man, the guy got upset a lot too. Usually over the stupidest things, like Benry taking him up on his _obvious_ hang-out invitation. It really fucked with his head. He had been waiting out there for _days_ for Feetman to want to hang out again. It was clear that he wanted to make up when he left his window open. Like, why _else_ would he do that? But when he finally came in, it was all like ‘What are you doing in my house?’ and ‘How did you get up here? This is the 5th floor’ and stuff like that.

He didn’t know what else he expected from _Gordon_ of all people. Stupid little baby, complaining about everything...

After a moment—it must’ve been like, about 30 minutes—of silence, Benry was _bored_. He plugged back in his PS3—it was still disconnected thanks to Failman’s little baby tantrum—and booted it up for some epic gamer alone time. If _he_ didn’t want to hang out with him, that was _his_ epic fail.

The console loaded and played its _epic_ startup sound. Hearing this, Benry remembered one of Gordon’s stupid rules: ‘ _No loud video games after 9._ ’ He looked over at the shitty little baby clock on the weird DVD box. It was already 9:15 PM. Groaning, he grabbed the remote.

“Not- not my fault you wanna… do stupid little- dumb little baby shit… like- like _sleep_.” He grumbled, looking for the button to turn the stupid sound off. He didn’t know what half of these weird buttons did, but he sorta knew what he was looking for. He found a round one that said ‘mute’ next to it. What did Feetman say again? Something about ‘muting the goddamn TV’? Yeah, that must’ve been the one. He pressed it, and the TV—along with his PS3’s awesome sound effects—shut up.

“Epic.” He muttered out loud. Now, the question was what game should he play? He didn’t have any PS+ left—no thanks to stupid Feetman and his stupid dick slip—so he couldn’t play Heavenly Sword with his friend like he _wanted_ to. He settled for _almost_ the next best thing: Call of Duty 4. Pulling the game out of his Gamer Pocket, he walked over to the PS3 and inserted the disk. He played through the entire campaign for the third time. Each time was _definitely_ better than the last. Doing it more than once in a single gamer session got _boring_ , though.

It was time to start the next stage: opening a local multiplayer server so he could kick some ass. Nobody was there to play with him, though. Lame. He filled the rest of both teams with bots and got to it. Basically instantly, he got an _epic_ killstreak. He decided to send his airstrike right over the area around the other team’s spawn point. More and more Sweet Voice floated around the room with every kill. It was so epic.

The screen kept getting blocked by strings of color at the worst times. Man, the Sweet Voice _always_ bubbled out when he got too hyped. It was so cringe and fail when it would say something _dumb_. At least stupid _Gordon_ was too _stupid_ to understand it. It wasn’t even that hard to read. Tommy was able to remember it pretty well ‘cause he made it rhyme.

Tommy actually _cared_ enough to learn.

Getting epic killstreaks was fun and all, but it got tiring after a while. Benry picked up the tiny little baby TV remote and switched back over to the TV-show box. He stared at pictures of space floating across the silent screen. He knew he didn’t _need_ sound since there were already dialogue boxes, but it was still lame without it. This stuff didn’t look _anything_ like the space _he_ knew. There weren’t enough colors on any of the planets. Clearly they didn’t know anything about _real_ space. He had really only been to a _few_ stages in space, but knew an epic fail when he saw one.

It was _actually_ much cooler than that. The skybox was all blue and green and red mostly, not this black and white and purple they were showing. Space wasn’t this _empty_. They didn’t even show any of the floating islands, or Gatorade pools, or anything. And yeah, sure, they were showing other planets, but none of them looked like the one he knew. Granted, he hadn’t been to any others, but still. This wasn’t how space _really_ was. Guess the TV people just couldn’t handle it. The others couldn’t handle it either, thinking about it. He remembered trying to show everyone around. He thought it was super cool, showing them all of the awesome shit he could do.

 _Apparently_ nobody else thought so, it was all _running_ and _screaming_ and _shooting_. Didn’t even get any of his epic gamer jokes. It made him so _angry_ to think about, red was flying out of his mouth left and right. Benry huffed, trying to get his Sweet Voice under control again. They used to all be such _great friends_. They used to hang out _all the time_ , especially Tommy and Gordon. All three of them never hung out together before everything happened, but they were his two best friends.

Seemed like one of them didn’t want to be his friend anymore.

Benry didn’t realize how hard he’d been zoning out until he saw all the blue surrounding him. This got so _annoying_ sometimes. Last time it spilled out like this, he snapped at Gordon— ‘Blue means I _hate you_.’ He was bullshitting, it was really just some lame sad shit. He was just lucky Feetman didn’t know how to fucking read. Not like he deserved to know, anyway. 

He turned his attention back to the TV. It started playing that show where they used all the machines to make shit. This time it looked like they were making some kind of pre-packaged food. Maybe Gordon would like this. He didn’t seem to like much of _anything_ , though.

Fucking… _Feetman_. He _always_ thought about his stupid fail ass. No matter what epic gamer thing he was doing, his thoughts came back to him eventually. It was basically a game rule at this point. Night would always turn to day, the PS3 would always be the best console, and Benry would always think about Gordon.

He thought about the fun they had back at Black Mesa. Shit like when he would make an epic joke and hear his… _stupid_ laughter coming from the speaker in the front of his HEV suit. Stuff like that made his heart cringe. Like it brought him down to half a heart, waiting for the final blow to send his inventory flying. Instead of tiny items, though, a high tone flew out of his mouth. A bright lavender color that faded into a lower, honeydew one.

He was _so_ glad that Gordon wasn’t here right now. Not like he was smart enough to know what it said, anyway. If he did though, it would be… stupid. Dumb. He didn’t want him to know that he couldn’t stop thinking about him.

And he thought… a _lot_. He thought about earlier, when Gordon was putting his kid to sleep. He stared at him like an idiot the entire time he was singing. His voice felt… like it cocooned him while he was still alive. The shit practically hung in the air, like an invisible Sweet Voice. Wasn’t _his_ fault he was stuck staring at him.

He was so lost in his loser thoughts that he didn’t notice the pink filling the room around him. Didn’t even notice the pink filling his face, either. He didn’t think _Feetman’s_ singing voice would’ve sounded so… ‘Nice’ was the word that came to mind. He kept thinking.

He thought about how _weird_ Gordon was. He thought about the first time he saw his suit helmet off. He was just so _ugly_ , he couldn’t stop staring at him. He thought about how… strange it made him feel. He thought about how stupid his long, curly, reddish-brown hair looked. _Especially_ when it was pulled back in a ponytail.

He thought about how dumb it was that he wanted to be close to him. It felt like something in his chest was _pulling_ him. He felt crazy to want to be near _Gordon_ of all people. He thought about his dumb voice, all _smooth_ and _deep_ and _gross_. It made him vibrate like a broken Dualshock controller whenever he whispered in his ear. And that was weird, too. He was pretty sure Feetman couldn’t do a Sweet Voice.

Benry jolted out of his thoughts, finding the sky getting lighter. About time, maybe his _friend_ would finally come back out. He usually couldn’t stand the light, said it interrupted his dumb baby ‘sleep’. A heavy trail of Sweet Voice obscured his vision. He grimaced at the colors, trying to wave it away to make it leave already.

The machines on the TV were making some different shit. It looked like they were finishing making some clothes or something. He looked down at his chest, fidgeting with his nametag. Thinking about it, he never really changed his clothes. He saw that Feetman and his lil’ buddy did, though. He wondered if he could find some new ones or not. Maybe he could borrow some of Gordon’s.

Bros do that all the time. Definitely.

He looked down at the blanket he was sitting on. His _gracious_ host had put it there so he could sleep, but he thought that sleeping was pretty lame. He saw the rest of the Science Team do it all the time at Black Mesa, but he wasn’t really _into_ it. It seemed like a waste of time. He usually just wandered off or stuck around and kept watch over them when they did that.

Leaning down, he sniffed the blanket. It smelled weird, like flowers. It was really strong. Where the _fuck_ was that coming from? Gordon had gotten it from some weird box down the hall, he remembered. He walked over to check it out more closely. The box had some kind of... round door on it. He breathed in, and smelled the sweet scent again. Were there flowers in here? The door was glass, but it was way too dark to see through. Benry _had_ to get to the bottom of this.

He pulled open the door and poked his head inside. It was still totally pitch black. He reached a hand in to feel around, and found that the inside was some kind of round metal tube. The walls rolled around a bit when he touched them. That was really strange. Who would make some... rotating box to keep flowers in? He still couldn't see or feel any, but the smell was stronger than ever. He _knew_ they were in there. There was only one thing he could do now. If this quest was gonna get completed, he'd need a closer look. 

Benry crawled inside, the box's walls rocking side to side. Man, it was cramped as FUCK in here. He felt around at the back of the box, not able to see anything. Where were the flowers? There was nothing in here.

He was about ready to give up and regroup, when the door slammed shut behind him.

He scrambled to turn around, but the walls rotated and tumbled him around wildly. His helmet crashed against the sides, making him dizzy. It felt like forever before everything—both the walls _and_ his head—finally settled down again. Okay, looks like this mission was gonna require some stealth. He turned around, slowly this time, and pushed against the door. It wouldn't budge. The door was stuck shut.

Oh shit.

It got darker in the box when the door closed. The glass was only _slightly_ see-through, and he could see the hallway lightening up. Man, this was really sucks. Guess he had to wait for _Feetman_ to wake up and help him out. He didn’t _want_ to ask him for help, but not even someone of _his_ high gamer level could escape this thing. He still didn’t even know what it was for. The flowers were completely gone, even though the smell was still there. That was one mystery that he couldn’t solve yet, he decided.

He watched the hall grow brighter until he heard a faint beeping coming from somewhere next to him. There was a soft groan before the beeping suddenly stopped. That must’ve been Feetman, _finally_ getting up.

Benry started slapping his hands on the inside of the box’s door. He could hear the sounds of bare feet shuffling on hardwood flooring. He started slamming harder. There was the sound of a door he couldn’t see slowly swinging open, footsteps walking out into the hall. He pounded full-force on the entrance to his boxy prison.

A startled scream sounded from outside.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Benry saw an ugly face bend over and peer at him from the hall. “Benry? Is that _you_? What the FUCK are you doing in my _washing machine_?” Gordon’s face was scrunched up all weird. “How did you get _in_ there?”

“You gave me- gave me a blanket that smelled, like… flowers, or some shit. I wanted to see if I could- could get, y’know, find where the… flowers, were.”

Feetman stared at him, one eyebrow raised and his mouth open slightly.

“So I… I climbed in- in the box, but there wasn’t _shit_ in here. Then the door fuckin’… _closed_ , and I can’t- can’t get it open.” Benry looked away from the man in front of him.

“You… got stuck in my washing machine…” He could hear laughter being choked back.

Buttercup-colored orbs started flooding the box. Can’t he ever just _shut the fuck up_?

“I can’t… I just,” The man outside started wheezing. “Oh my _god_ , how did you get _stuck_ there?” He wiped a tear from his eye. “I have half a mind to turn this thing on with you in there…”

Benry’s heart stopped. He knew where the flowers went now.

“N-no, bro, come on!” Benry pressed his hands against the inside of the door. His eyes widened. “We- I thought… I- We’re _bros_.” This was it, he was going to get turned into pure Benry scent. Different colors started filling his surroundings. “Just… Let me out of this BOX.”

“Alright, man. I’ll let you out…” He chuckled, opening the door.

Benry tumbled out, tones cascading out of his mouth. He landed on his face on the wood floor. _Very cool, Benry_. He couldn’t believe he failed that quick time event. It’s not like it was _his_ fault, though. Feetman had just made a threat on his _life_. _And_ opened up the door without warning.

“…Need some help?” He looked up at the man above him. He was holding out his hand, and his messy hair framed his face in the dumbest way possible.

Benry averted his eyes, his heart cringing at the sight. Man, why did he have to look… like _that_? He _guessed_ he could forget what happened, Feetman must’ve just been playing around. Bros did that. He didn’t say anything as he inched forward, standing up on his feet.

“…Huh. Guess not.” His friend shrugged, turning around. “Whatever, I’m gonna take a shower. Just… start packing up your shit, alright?” Feetman walked through the living room to a slightly open door. He paused, turning to glance over his shoulder. “Don’t fuck anything up while I’m in here.” He ended his sentence by shutting the bathroom door.

Benry stared at it blankly before plopping down on the couch. He cursed himself for being such a fucking _idiot_ , embarrassing himself in front of Gordon. What he was going to do now? Where he was going to go? He didn’t want to leave, but there was no _way_ he could ask to stay longer after _that_ epic fail. He _could_ ask one of the guys. Tommy would probably let him stay with him, if worst came to worst. Tommy was a _bro_ like that.

He listened to the rushing sound of Feetman’s stupid ‘shower’. He didn’t even know what that _was_. Sounded lame, though. The noise stopped, but started back up with the volume turned down. It turned off again, and turned back on a couple times. Guess the guy couldn’t even do his ‘shower’ thing right.

Gordon stepped out of the bathroom a couple minutes later, hair neatly pulled back in his stupid ponytail again. His bangs were sticking up though, making for the dumbest hairstyle Benry’d ever seen. His outfit was different, too. Now he was wearing a new, black T-shirt and some dark blue jeans. He tried not to look at his fail arm muscles for too long. It made him feel _weird_.

“Alright,” Gordon started. “I’m going to get Josh ready for school, and then _you’re_ going to take a shower.”

Huh, that was a weird thing to want.

“Why should- why should I do _that_ , Feetman?” Benry stared blankly at him. “Is it like… that stupid, baby shit ‘ _sleep_ ’ thing you do? Huh?” He turned towards the blank TV screen. “Cause I’m- cause I’m not about that shit. That’s… stupid.” He didn’t even _know_ what a ‘shower’ was. “Why are you- you taking shit again? Huh? _Feetman_?”

The other man groaned. “Okay, _first_ of all, you don’t _take_ it in a… stealing way or anything. It’s an _action_.”

Then why was he using the word ‘ _taking?_ ’

“Second of all, sleeping isn’t a _choice_. Even if you _don’t_ sleep for a while, your body does it _for_ you. Third of all… are you even paying attention to me?”

Benry looked up from picking at his nails. “Huh? Wha?”

“Ughhh, just… forget it.” Feetman groaned. “Do you even know _how_ to take a shower?”

Benry glanced over at him. No _shit_ he didn’t, that’s why he was _asking_.

“…Oh my god, of _course_ you don’t. You don’t know how to do _anything_!”

Benry frowned, it wasn’t his fault Feetman was shit at explaining things.

“Okay, so it’s like this thing. You go into the bathroom and turn on the _shower_. That’s this thing that shoots out water that you can stand under and get clean.”

“Sounds lame, bro.” Benry went back to picking at his fingernails. As _if_ he needed to get _clean_. He was perfectly clean already.

“But you can’t just, like… take a shower with your clothes.” Feetman ignored him. Rude. “That’s not going to get you clean. You’ll have to take all that shit off of you.” He gestured down at Benry’s outfit.

“Haha, and then what?” Benry smirked as his friend rubbed in between his eyes under his glasses.

“I’m not going to _be_ there when you shower or whatever. That’s weird as fuck, _and_ a total invasion of privacy.” He sighed. “I’ll just… write down what you need to do.” He turned to grab something to write on. “Don’t know why I even _care_ , but _whatever_.” He muttered under his breath, scribbling something on a piece of paper. “Here,” He shoved the paper in Benry’s face. “That’s every step to taking a shower. I’m _not_ going to be there to walk you through it. You’re on your own.”

Benry scanned the paper in his hands. Wow, Gordon had shit handwriting. He could barely even read it. He looked down the numbered list of steps, pausing when he landed on the last one.

“Hey, Feetman.” He got the man to turn around, sighing. “This says- says some shit about… uhhh, ‘ _clean clothes_ ’? Yeah, I don’t… I don’t have any of those.”

Gordon blinked at him.

“Looks like I can’t… can’t take your stupid- stupid shower.” Benry grinned slightly when he heard the other man groan.

“Well, I guess you can just…” Gordon huffed. “I _guess_ you can… borrow some of mine. Something I don’t give a shit about.”

Benry’s heart cringed again.

“Let me… find something.” Gordon walked past him to his room, and he followed. He saw him bend over, digging through something at the bottom of his clothing box-with-a-door. Benry stared at the sight before him, some deep green slipping out from his mouth. The man at the box snapped his head up and turned to him.

“What the fuck does _that_ mean?”

“Uhhh…” Benry glanced away. ‘ _Greener than grass…_ ’

“It means you have no ass.” Benry lied. He smirked, hoping to draw attention away from the heat overtaking his face. Gordon scoffed and turned back around. A while of staring in silence later, he _finally_ found what he was looking for.

“Alright, I found some shit for you to wear.” About time. Feetman tossed the bundle of clothes to him and he caught it. Epic. “Those are some old clothes from college that don’t fit me anymore. I was _going_ to donate them, but I never got around to it.” Benry looked through it, finding a plastic package with a bunch of cloth in it.

“Hey, what’s this thing?” He held it up. “You gave me- gave me some fuckin uhh… plastic, or something. Talk about fail.” Gordon blinked at him.

“That’s… Benry, that’s _underwear_. Have you never seen that before?” A look of disgust crossed his face. “Don’t tell me you don’t wear _underwear_.”

“Pfft…” Benry turned the object over in his hands. “Of _course_ I do, _idiot_. Stupid- stupid Feetman, doesn’t think I know… what _underwear_ is. Idiot _Fail_ man.” How was _this_ supposed to be underwear? There weren’t any holes in it anywhere. “Some weird fuckin’ underwear. Feetman only has… stupid weird plastic underwear… Fuckin loser….” He looked back up to find eyes staring at him.

“Benry, that’s…” Gordon started. “That’s… the package. It has underwear _in_ it. There’s, like, five pairs in there.”

Oh. Why’d someone put it in a stupid bag in the first place?

“You have to _open_ it to get them.” Feetman glanced at the clock in the room. “Shit, I’ve gotta get Josh ready. You can just… figure that out on your own.” He rushed out to the hall, leaving Benry alone.

He stared at the wrapped underwear in his hands, surrounded by other clothes. He prodded at the plastic with one hand. There were a bunch of small holes. Using one as a starting point, he ripped the package open and pulled out a pair of boxers.

Well, at least now he had new clothes.

He walked out to the living room, holding the bundle in his arms. Feetman’s kid was standing in the kitchen, a bag strapped to his back. It had pictures of cowboys all over it. He turned around and squealed when he saw Benry. It made his heart do the opposite of cringe when this happened.

“Benny! Benny still here!” The kid ran up to him and wrapped his little arms around his leg.

This kind of shit always made him so _happy_. It was the same feeling he got when Tommy would explain stuff he liked, like Beyblades, or OSHA guidelines.

“I go… I go to school today!” The kid’s eyes were shining. Man, he must’ve been really excited. Benry heard a deep chuckle behind him, and his breath caught in his throat.

“That’s right, Joshie. We’ve gotta head out pretty soon, so say goodbye to Benry.” The lil’ guy looked up at him, tears welling in his eyes. “He’s not gonna be here when you get home.” He felt the arms grip his leg tighter.

“B-but, Benny! I wanna... wanna… Daddy, you sayed I can play more!” The kid wailed, and Benry felt his heart drop. He _clearly_ didn’t want him to leave, and _he_ didn’t want to either.

He glanced over to the other man. His shocked face said all it needed for him to know that this was _not_ supposed to play out like this.

“Y-you sayed…” The tiny voice came out through muffled hiccups. Benry’s pant leg had wet spots from the kid’s tears.

“Heeyyy, lil’ buddy… It’s- it’s gonna be, gonna be alright…” He shifted the clothes in his arms around so he could free up one hand. Reaching down, he gently patted the boy’s hair, just barely making contact. He didn’t know how much force could crush people this tiny. “I know it’s an epic fail that- that your dad’s making me leave, n’ stuff.” The little guy looked up at him. “But we’ll, like… We’ll get to hang out again, I _know_ it, dude.”

“O-Okay… Promise?” The kid sniffled, rubbing his runny nose with his sleeve.

Benry paused. Was he _allowed_ to make a promise like that? He glanced over at the other man for a second. He read exasperation and sadness.

“Promise, lil’ dude.”

“Alright, we _really_ have to get going now.” Gordon ushered the squealing child through the front door. He turned back to Benry. “Make sure you do what I asked, yeah? We’ll talk about everything when I get back.” With that, the door closed. He was alone again. He picked up the paper Feetman had written his stupid instructions on, and looked at it.

‘ _How to take a shower:_

_1) Take clean clothes with you into the bathroom. Close and lock the door._

_2) Open cupboard above the toilet and grab shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. NOTE: You can borrow the gray and red bottles, but NOT the green or purple ones._

_3) Turn on shower and wait until water gets warm. Sometimes it takes a while. NOTE: The shower is in the tub. To turn it on, turn the knob underneath to the RIGHT. The LEFT will give you cold water. DO NOT listen to the hot/cold labels, they lie._

_4) Remove clothes and place them in the dirty clothes hamper. DO NOT just throw them on the floor._

_5) Step into the shower and wash hair. Use shampoo, wash out, use conditioner, wash out. Wash body using the body wash. NOTE: You have to rub the shampoo and conditioner into your hair THOROUGHLY for it to work._

_6) Turn off the shower and dry off with any towel but the blue ones. There should be a green one that hasn’t been used yet. NOTE: Hang over shower curtain when done to let dry. DO NOT leave on floor._

_7) If any water has gotten on the floor, use the RED towel to clean it up. DO NOT use the red towel for any other purpose. DO NOT leave water on the floor._

_8) Put on clean clothes. Make sure everything around you is dry before leaving the bathroom. NOTE: Turn off the light when you leave. The fan will turn off with it._ ’

Seemed like a lot of work for one stupid shower. He groaned, closing the bathroom door behind him. Not wanting to fuck anything up, he followed all of the instructions. Hopefully he could get through this as soon as he possibly could, this whole shower thing _sucks_.

He scanned the names on the bottles he got down from the shelves. There was a lot of stuff about different kinds of animals. It didn’t really matter, what mattered was that they were gray and red.

He peered into the tub. There was some kind of metal thing stuck to the top of the wall. Underneath it was a lever-looking thing, with red and blue strips on either side. This must’ve been the thing he needed to turn. Which direction did it need to go again? He glanced at the paper again. Right, to the right.

Water shot out from the metal bit on the top when he turned the lever. Epic, alright. Now he needed to wait for it to get hot. He looked down at the bottles in his arms. There was one labelled ‘Shampoo.’ He popped open the top and inhaled.

So _this_ was the shit Gordon put in his hair all the time. It smelled mostly like trees, with a hint of something sweeter. Maybe some kind of berry or something. The scent was so strong, it must’ve stuck in Feetman’s hair _all day_.

He closed his eyes and breathed in again, and again. Images of curly hair flowed through his mind. He thought about how soft it would feel if he were to run his hands through it. He envisioned pulling back the hair to expose the light brown skin of the stupidly grinning face underneath. God, he looked so _dumb_ when he smiled, especially when he was this… _close_. The thoughts made his chest tighten far too much for his liking.

He snapped open his eyes, vision clouded. Man, it got foggy in here. It took him longer than he’d like to admit before he realized that the ‘fog’ in front of him was bright pink. _Oh_. Not _this_ shit again. The room was full of pink orbs, bouncing off the walls. All the light from them was reflected in the mirror, too, amplifying the brightness. Man, what an epic fail.

“Nice going, _Benry_.” He muttered under his breath. He tried to push any thoughts of _stupid_ hair and _stupid_ smiles and _stupid_ Gordon out of his mind. What was important was that the water was hot now. Setting the bottles down on the edge of the tub, he got to the rest of the instructions. He finished cleaning off as fast as he could. Stepping in a small puddle, he realized there was some water on the floor. Fuck. He found the red towel hanging from some metal ring next to the mirror. He grabbed it and used it to soak up the fail water that got on the floor.

He slipped on all the clothes he was given. He looked over his new outfit in the mirror for a moment. The shirt was gray and long-sleeved, with red letters spelling ‘MIT’ on the front. Must’ve been that shitty baby college Gordon went to that he _always_ talked about. The pants were just some simple black sweatpants with nothing on them, which was lame. He walked out into the living room.

He didn’t know what to do now. The house was still empty, and he didn’t know how long it would be until anyone got back. He _could_ play more video games. Maybe now he’d actually be able to _hear_ what was going on. He was about to reach for a controller, when he remembered something. He needed to talk to someone about where he could go. Gordon was kicking him out, but he didn’t _want_ to leave.

He was _finally_ able to hang out with him. He didn’t want to fuck this up now. Maybe he could do something to make him want him to stay?

Yeah, that was a great idea. He’d do something _so_ epic, Feetman would be _begging_ him to stay. He’d be on his hands and knees, telling Benry how _awesome_ he is and how _sorry_ Gordon was for asking him to leave in the first place. This was the perfect plan.

But… what could he _do_?

He thought of Tommy. Of course, _Tommy_ would know what to do. He always had the _best_ advice. He reached to his pocket to pull out his phone… Shit, his phone. He left it in his old clothes. He went back into the bathroom, digging through the mess of cloth and Kevlar. There it was. He tapped an icon on the main menu, and flipped the screen over to the keyboard.

**To: tommy koolaid**

_tommyyyy, heeyyyyy…_

He tapped his feet, waiting for a reply. It was weird, Tommy _never_ took this long to respond to him before. This _sucked_. He threw his head up and groaned, before hearing a short beep.

**From: tommy koolaid**

_Benry! Where have you been? You haven’t talked to any of us in a while, we’ve missed you! Are you alright? Can I call you? -TC :)_

**To: tommy koolaid**

_yeah nah bro i’m fine i’m @ feetman’s place… i’m busy, can’t call_

Benry wandered out of the bathroom, plopping down onto the couch. He checked his phone again after sitting down, seeing another reply.

**From: tommy koolaid**

_Oh, well that’s… nice!_ _-TC :)_

It took a moment before another text message notification popped up.

**From: tommy koolaid**

_How long have you been there? -TC :)_

**To: tommy koolaid**

_like a day… and it WAS nice… until i got stuck in this stupid smell box_ _…_

**To: tommy koolaid**

_ughhh, n now he’s all mad @ me… says he doesn’t WANT me here anymore… after INVITING me…_

**From: tommy koolaid**

_Oh, Benry… Do you need me to come get you? -TC :)_

That was the _last_ thing Benry needed right now.

**To: tommy koolaid**

_noooo, bro… i wanna stayyyy… you GOTTA help me…_

Benry set his phone down on the couch next to him, running his hands over his face. He closed his eyes for a moment, opening them to find another text.

**From: tommy koolaid**

_Well… I’m not sure if this will change Mr. Freeman’s mind, but… maybe you could make something for him! -TC :)_

**To: tommy koolaid**

_make him smthn?_

**From: tommy koolaid**

_Yeah, like a gift! Something handmade! It’s the best apology, from the heart! -TC :)_

_Handmade_? Like, made out of hands? He didn’t think Gordon would like that very much.

**To: tommy koolaid**

_you gotta make it out of hands?_

**From: tommy koolaid**

_You make it with love! Make something like a card, or soda, or food! - TC :)_

Make it with _love_? A couple orbs of deep, rust-red spilled out of his mouth. Love was… a little extreme, but he could put a _little_ in there. As a treat. And he _did_ see people make food ‘n shit on that one show. Maybe if he left out the hands…

**To: tommy koolaid**

_huh, ok, i can do that. thx tommy_

Benry set the phone down. There was no time to waste. His notification sound kept going off, but he ignored it. He had a more important mission at hand. He needed to get started on whatever food he was gonna make. He wanted to make Feetman something that would blow his stupid little baby brain. Something so full of stuff he liked that he just couldn’t _resist_.

Alright, first objective: Look for ingredients. He threw open the fridge, peering inside. Benry distantly heard Failman’s voice reminding him of the rules like a shitty tooltip, ‘ _Rule number two: no eating my food._ I _say when it’s time to eat._ ’ But bro, _he_ wasn’t gonna eat any of this. And there was no way Gordon would be upset at him for using a few ingredients for an epic _gift_. It was gonna rule.

Benry started digging through the wide-open fridge. What were some things Gordon liked? He knew he liked gross shit like mayo and ketchup. He found both of those pretty quickly, but he couldn’t make something _epic_ with just those two ingredients.

He found the egg box and decided to put one of those in. Cheese was really fuckin good, and he found a big bag that said ‘Shredded Cheese’ on the top. Perfect. What _else_ did he like? Probably those little orange things they had yesterday. He found the big box of them. Some fruit? An apple seemed like a good bet.

First objective complete. He looked at the spread before him. This looked _perfect_ , Feetman was gonna… really… _like_ this. Light blue slipped out. Yeah, just for _him_. He looked at the box that the _delicious_ food last night was made in. It was time for the second objective: Cooking.

He… vaguely knew how to use the things on the top. You just turn the dial on the front and fire happens, right? Then you can cook stuff on it. But you needed something to cook it _in_. He looked through all the wall boxes for _something_ to put the food into. One of them had a bunch of bowls in it. Jackpot.

He started mixing everything together in the bowl he grabbed. Some of the eggs broke when he dropped them in. What an epic fail. Moving the bowl over to the cooking circles, he turned the dial. Huh, that was weird. There wasn’t any fire. He turned it back to off before trying again. _Still_ no fire. He stared at it angrily, why’d it have to do this _now_? He was about to give up, when all of a sudden it finally lit up.

Nice, about time it started working.

He grabbed a giant spoon that he saw hanging from a little hook, and stirred up the contents of the bowl. If his friend didn’t like _this_ , he didn’t know _what_ he’d like. The bottom of the bowl started turning black, but he figured it was fine. Fire just _did_ that to things. 

The food started bubbling up. That meant it was cooking well, right? It smelled alright, so it must be fine. He kept stirring, mixing up the ingredients as best as he could. He couldn’t _wait_ for Feetman to get a taste of this _epic_ recipe. A name for it was already forming in his brain. This was definitely gonna be the best meal of the century, he could _feel_ it.

His mission was almost complete. A little bit of Sweet Voice landed in the mix, but he figured that was alright. It was a ‘special ingredient,’ or whatever people called it. That didn’t matter, though. He had to focus on the task at hand.

Benry was so focused that he didn’t hear the door open, but he _did_ hear the yelling that came after it.

“ _BENRY,_ what the FUCK are you doing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's real benry washing machine hours
> 
> i'm gonna be switching the perspective between gordon and benry very often so be prepared for that
> 
> also the freeman's mind joke was an accident at first but when i realized what i wrote it was too late, i _had_ to keep it
> 
> (also my fiance's been upgraded from editor to co creator let's hear it for this gay (dw tho, i'm still gonna be writing all the notes..... anything expressed here is my own opinion lol))

**Author's Note:**

> my hlvrai tumblr is [royalpassportmeister](https://royalpassportmeister.tumblr.com/) i'm gonna post all my shitty hlvrai things there


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